Dean’s Lost The Plot

The scene is one of devotional calm. The ritual steps are followed with meticulous attention to detail. Once lifted, the hallowed body is gently but scrupulously cleansed, the skin pared back with every vestige of the outer layers removed. 

Next, the bottom. Where each crumb of dirt is discretely brushed away before the blade is brought to bear. No scalpels here, prithee a butter knife, gently sculpting to produce an exquisite aperture. The talc is applied, evenly, tenderly, talc-ily, before the preserved is laid up, closed away, accompanied into a glorious afterlife by the whispering winds of fans in the dark. 

If the ancient Egyptians had prepared onions for giant vegetable shows, it might’ve been a little bit like this. But we’re not in ancient Egypt. Wham! We’re in the modern day. Blyth, Northumberland. 

We’re watching on YouTube. The high priest pauses from ceremonially dressing his alliums and throws back his cowl. Good grief, it’s Dean Hood! Howay the ferryman! Let’s cross to his plot, for some incredibly useful, real-life insights into growing and showing onions, peppers, chillies, and much, much more.

For nearly ten years Dean has been sharing his allotment experiences with a faithful following who are rightly charmed by his relatable, honest, and brilliantly open approach to growing. Too often online you’re confronted with that which is simply aspirational, or unrealistic, or a contrived form of realism. Dean’s output is none of the above. You get the unvarnished truth but in a fun, condensed form, which never drags. A case in point, his vlog entries on this year’s onion and pepper crop.

The onions, which we first found Dean dressing, we very much a part of his planned exhibition output from the moment they were sown. That sowing, in spring ’26, featured David Metcalf and Peter Holden onion seeds, which are staple varieties for U.K. giant veg growers. Starting in Dean’s LED-lit, VitoPod propagators the young plants progressed to 1L and then 5L pots. 

In keeping with his innovative, ever-resourceful methods, Dean had acquired a number of secondhand 15L / 3.9 gal AutoPot 1Pot Modules this year. And after an inexpensive refit, with a few new fittings and sundries, these were ready for his prize-primed plants. 

Growing giant onions, indeed any onions, requires regular, balanced irrigation. The AutoPot system Dean used for his crop proved especially useful in providing exactly that. Water and nutrients are supplied automatically, on-demand, and only in response to plant uptake. This meant that the onions always got what they needed, when they needed it. They were never in drought or waterlogged. Because the system is automatic it had other benefits for plant care too, for all the crops grown on Dean’s allotment.

It would be a masterpiece of understatement to say that Dean’s allotment, like most allotments, requires ‘a bit of hard work.’ Regularly digging, preparing, fertilising, and sowing beds. Tending to root veg, vines, fruits, and flowers. Dealing with pests, pathogens, deficiencies, and climate control across a large number of open and enclosed spaces. All of this makes an automatic watering system a great choice in terms of saving labour. 

By eliminating hand watering, automated systems free you up to do more – or just relax a bit. And because an AutoPot Watering System requires no electricity or running water it is suited to absolutely any location – even allotments. Given the ease with which the systems were handling his onions Dean decided to run a side project featuring some intriguing AutoPot-grown chillies and peppers.

Cornos, Periscopes, and Friggitellos, along with Golden Wonders and Jalapeños were planted up in two 5Pot Systems running side-by-side in the back of one of Dean’s greenhouses. And to attract pollinators each system also played host to a lavender plant. 

As is necessary, these plants were of a suitable size going in. We recommend no less than 22.5cm / 9 inches for 1Pot modules. Each of the systems was hooked up to a 47L reservoir with a liberal sprinkling of inline taps along the pipework, allowing Dean to bleed the system or isolate modules if required.

Once the plants were nicely established Dean switched on the systems. As well as watering the plants the systems were used to supply Hydrolysed Blood & Bone fertiliser at a ratio of 30ml:5L via the reservoir and pipework. Which certainly seemed to do the trick. 

In just a few weeks the plants were exhibiting some fantastically thick, dark green leaves and fruiting to the point that some intervention was called for. Peppers can grow very close to one another so at times the removal of an excess fruit can be necessary – for the greater good. Ditto removal of lower foliage in the name of focussed development and healthy airflow. Scooting back over to the onions Dean had some manual manipulation to do there too.

With one eye upon the competition bench Dean knew it was important to maintain straight-up onion growth. This involved some training of the flutes and shoring of the bases as the bulbs swelled. At a certain point though, the onions start to naturally go over on their necks – and this is when they’re ready for lifting. In the case of Dean’s crop that point came in early August.

Lifting an onion is simple enough, but can be very revealing. If you remove the bulb from the pot only to find a small mass of compacted roots close to the root plate then your onion, however healthy, may have failed to deliver on its true potential by not fully extending its rhizosphere. What to do next time? Tickle your roots. A quick fondle down there, or even a little trim before transplanting a plant into its final pot really does get the feeders stimulated and helps to maximise yield.

Fortunately this only affected one or two of Dean’s crop. And even so, the majority of his onions came in at 19-21 inches in diameter. With the tops chopped off the next job was dressing, and then selecting as near-identical sets as possible for the bench.

In our most poetic introduction we pretty much covered every step involved in dressing. Once ensconced in the dark to dry, the onions are simply turned once a week for 6-7 weeks before being stood upright. Their final destination would be the North East Horticultural Show at Beamish, along with a few other interesting entries from Dean’s plot.

A P.B. giant tomato of 1.3kg, a very respectable beetroot, a heavy cucumber, some good sized giant carrots, and a few of the peppers from the 5Pot systems all made their way to Beamish or the North East Giant Veg show – the latter of which Dean plays a key role in organising. Yes, as well as preparing to show at the show, Dean prepares the show wherein fellow vegetable showmen and show-women will also show rows and rows of their most showable grows!

There is a very clear ethos behind these events that might elude the uninitiated – simply participating. But it would be an oversimplification to say it was about ‘just taking part.’ Dean hits the mark when he talks about filling the benches, showing community, bringing the results of your season – whatever they may be – and talking over your successes, failures, and goddamn near-misses. It’s really good stuff. Even better when you win or place though! Which is exactly what Dean did.

At NEGV the tomato scored a surprise 2nd place and at Beamish the onions carried off a very respectable Third Prize in Class 15 (5x Dressed Exhibiting Onions). Put together with family-wide gongs for homemade produce, including the kids getting in on the act, and you’ve got a heartwarming tableau for the ages!

Thanks to Dean for his contributions here and his work with our systems. It’s so heartening to see our kit used, reused, rehoused, reconditioned, and reused time and again with such skill and dedication. Make sure you keep up with Mr Hood’s online allotment odyssey as it nears it’s tenth year, maybe he has ‘lost the plot’, but from where we’re standing that looks to be a mighty fine state of mind.